bore and random.

A long weekend it is. I don't know what are we celebrating exactly, but we got what we called 'May Day' over here and it means holiday ! We're supposed to be in Shanghai right now if it wasn't for the 'fully-booked' tickets during this holiday season. So I'm spending my long weekend just at home and I'm bored. And since I'm so bored, I took some random pictures for fun.

This is how it was at first, we shared the same cup for our toothbrush and toothpaste. Then it gets very packed afterward when my housemate increases the population of her toothbrush. Every early morning when I'm about to take quick shower and rush to school, I'll simply grab my toothbrush and dropped everything inside the cup, which means I'll spend another 1 minute to put everything back in place again and it happens every morning, lol. It's only two of us in the unit, and we have like 5 toothbrushes, of course, one's mine and four others are hers.

After some time, I decided to migrate mine to another corner to avoid the same 'grabbing-dropping-putting back' activities that takes few minutes. So this is hers and mine RESPECTIVELY.


Mine looks kinda lonely in it's new corner but it's okay, it'll get used to it. HAPPY MAY DAY !

unrevealed truth

Some feelings are better left undelivered. Some words are better left unspoken. Some pressures are better left unsaid. Some truth are better left unrevealed. I realize that there are some time when we can't have everything we want. There are these times when things turned out not the way we want it to be, but that's life. Like it or not, we have to cope with it, true? As how I'm going through this difficult phase of life, I learned that you can't force someone/something in your favor. So, here comes the hardest part, sounds so simple and easy, but, by the time you blink, it ain't that simple at all, it is what we called "letting go".

For the sake of my 21 years of living, I swear I haven't been into a very confusing moment like this. Yet today, I learned how to push my ego down, and be mature instead. Because I know someone is better off without my presence. Let's admit it, the most heartless people you've ever known actually does have a heart and it's broken right now. It's okay, it doesn't matter now, she is a complete adult and she solves broken heart with smile and heads up.

baffle.

Never know where life's heading, we all follow the flow and see how things turn out in future. Same thing with me. After years of degree and courses, I can't seem to decide where my future is. I keep on playing and having fun like it was 2008. My heart and brain are floating with zero gravitation, staying in the same place with no direction to head. I used to be someone with big ambition, clear and sharp destination but it ain't like that anymore. Let's start with the brain: it was once so focus and competitive, yet it turns out very inspirited nowadays. There are lacks in a lot of aspects, lack of focus, lack of attention, lack of spirit and lack of motivation. No way it'll keep going on like this, I need to get them fixed and rule. So until then, I'll be taking some time off working things out. Enjoy your mid-tests, Beijing !

pain in the ass

They say I am that ignorant, arrogant, feeling-less woman just because I don't wanna get committed in every relationship I'm engaging. Well, at least the feeling shared between me and 'someone' is true and not fake. It's undeniable that commitment is something that I would wanna avoid, not because that am irresponsible but more to the reason that I hate being controlled and I'll take one hundred steps backward when one guy started to fall so deep. What I'm saying is, people tend to judge me without looking at themselves. So yes, I'm cruel, cool, and again feeling-less, and whatever hell you're saying I am, but... I do not play ! I did not and will never take someone for granted. At the very least, I made it clear from the start that I might somehow hurt him in future and there's no way for us to be bound by any form of relationship status. Unless he agrees to the term and condition, we'll never go further than friends.

Now I feel like an idiot trying to explain something than you stupid people wouldn't understand. To avoid any misunderstanding, 'you' refers to those spreading non-sense and judgmental arseholes.

shallow/stupid/uneducated

Had this stomach cramp since morning and I can't get off the bed so I pull my laptop to my lap and start browsing on bed. After few hours of browsing, I unintentionally found the Facebook accounts of some employees working in dad's office. It shocked me when I read one of their status "bulan tua bos mw mrhhh..ja,,cpk bgt!!!mendingan mrah'a bln muda!! ya ntr kusuru dy ngmong ma bibir sy ja....sekali2 dy btuh d ksh ke nikmatan....iih ga kbyang de" I swear this is the nastiest status I've ever read, and they're taking my dad as a joke. Believe me, this employee as I reckoned, was the sweet, obedient and pretty hardworking. So I scrolled down to the comments and they started to mention my dad's name in a ridiculous way and laugh their ass off. How the fuck is it possible that some university graduands turned out to be so shallow, and inappropriate?

Well, I know working people never like their boss/es. Even when you respect them so much, there must be times when you can't take their pressures and commands. But this is just too much. Instead of notifying my dad about this, I take the liberty to remain silent, indifference. But I ain't forgiving. I prefer revenge, and I promise it's gonna be sweet. Let's see if you prefer working under my dad or me. Until June, bitches.

all over me.

It kept me thinking :

"He’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn’t going to quote poetry, he’s not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don’t hurt him, don’t change him, and don’t expect more than he can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always one guy that is perfect for you."

a night with me wouldn't go flat !

Just another weekend, same companions, same laughter, different venue. This is clearly the last weekend to have fun with before the mid-test coming on Thursday and as you might have guessed, I haven't done any preparation for it. Screw the test, doesn't matter how least attention I put on my mid-test, I believe I'll do just fine. So, this is the new club we hit on last Saturday, not bad, great service, cool DJs, and we're their VIP Gold Member :)


We were celebrating the birthday of our sister who is obviously the happiest woman on earth that night, no? I mean, come on, having her boyfriend flying all over from Indonesia to Beijing? I'd die for happiness if it's me ! Happy 23 sweetie ;)

Above are some of the photos taken that night. We all know when we went to club, party the night off and wake up the day after, we'll eventually realize that some photos taken are not supposed to be published. All the embarrassing poses, tipsy faces, weird dances and uhh ! What happened in the club, ALWAYS stay in the club.

the notebook.

"That’s the problem with us. We’re both stubborn asses and always want to get our way. We both hate to be wrong and love to be right. But that’s the thing about love. No matter what happens, we always come back for each other, one more time."

Dear Husband

Dear future husband,

I know it's too early to even mention this, but I love you. And I would be happy if you could build me a house like this



and this kind of interior? please.




Love,
Wifey

suffocating

This is exactly the point where all my armors fall down. I finally get defeated, in a very miserable way that no one could ever imagine. All these times, all these fucking years, I've been strong for so long, and it left me with nothing today. I repeat it, nothing. Who said I'm that tough girl that doesn't cry? Who said I'm that wonder girl that barely has feeling? For once, this heart soften and beg for forgiveness. I lose and I wave the white flag high. Doesn't mean I'm giving up, just that I'm tired of all these games, these mazes, and life.

If you're there to listen, my dear God, please give me the strength and faith to get through all these. I ain't asking You to make it easier for me, just please give me power to remain strong. Often in the night, I ache for someone's hugs, cares and loves. I know best that mom's could be a big help but I just can't pick up the phone, call and make her worry. So here I am, talking to myself in a quiet dark room, crying the hell out, and keep wishing tomorrow will be a better day. Now you know, this bitch ain't as strong as you thought she is.

not so sunday.

For this weekend, I want nothing to do with school, homework and diet. So the gang and I went to had big dinner 'cheesy chicken' ! Beijing sure is a food paradise, they cook some delicious dishes you can't taste elsewhere. Then we headed for 'solju' and 'maguoli', both are Korean's alcohol. Well, since there are too much in my mind, I actually thought that maybe I could use some beer. It was 11 pm last night after the drinking and karaoke session. And nobody goes home at 11 on Saturday night so we headed to McD and suddenly decided to hit another bar on the block. It is a new bar, offering free beer and roses on their grand opening that day. The atmosphere were great, they even serve 'Shisha' ! Yet, the best part is still the free beer.

Everyone's enjoying the night I bet, until one of my friends got into fight for some girls and ended up very ugly. Even worse, I got hit on my left eye and it gets very red afterward. Bitter sweet night it is. And since I've spent all the night having enough fun, I need to go back to my studies. Mid test is just around the corner, not so Sunday?

nothing goes right anymore

Bright shiny sun yet cold wind breeze out there, supposed to be a good day for everyone, plus it's Saturday. Not for me, I've been spending the night crying out loud for hours. It has been some time since the last time I actually cry, so it feels like some relieving therapy after all the chaos and hectic life. There's too much in my mind, waiting for me to sort them out and when I couldn't take it anymore, I get angry, upset, disappointed and mad. Locked myself in the room, quiet and calm, then I force the brain to start working it's logic but failed. They say most of the times thing does not turn out they way we want it to be, so I realized. Perhaps this is how life works, and I need to move on.

I can't be grieving over and over again, there are a lot of stuff waiting to be settled. So hey listen, sorry for never been a good one to you, sorry for the mistakes and flaws, sorry for the burdens and pressures. And obviously, thanks for everything. Everything that no one could give. Until then, love. Be good, be happy :)

winter slash spring

good day people.

spring isn't so spring after all, it's shitty cool here and I hate wearing coat ! For it's heavy, plus you look fat in it. true? anyhow, it's supposed to be warmer in no time, so let's wait til we could wear short skirt and tank top. I've been visiting H&M stores few times and I think their collections are dope ! very very much the same material with TOPSHOP with cheaper price. however, you wouldn't like to purchase anything in this store during weekends cause you should wait approx. 1 hour queuing in the 'fitting' line. how sucks is that? well, applause to 'online store' where you don't have to squeeze with hundreds of other visitors BUT you know the consequences, no trying.

enough with H&M, now i need everyone's help to find me this JuicyCouture watch. It was an old collection few seasons ago and by now it should be either 'sold out' or 'stop production' but if you guys could find one pls let me know :)