ain't goodbye yet.

Few hours left until my flight to Jakarta and I get all upset that I have to leave lovely people behind. Well, it's just for 6 months though, a very short period of time. I've never once love staying at my hometown, but this time I really had a great time. There was few farewell party and dinner before I left. I shall thank my cousins for the quality time we had, and of course the fun party the other day. Thanks to my high school mates too, who purposely scheduled a day-out with me. Another thanks to my girls for the last memorable night in Medan. Lastly, thank you mom and dad for nagging, yelling, and complaining all the time, I'll sure miss you both. Well, half year it is and I'm done. I'll get to see them as much as I want, I'll get to call them anytime and we'll have so much fun at the end of the day. Take care everyone here, I'll see you guys again in a bit xx ♥

go to hell irresponsible people

I guess the title of the post explains everything. No one is ever born irresponsible. It is inside us, the consciousness to become responsible individual that gain respect from other people. But I guess the consciousness does not live in everyone. Some people make decision for themselves, some people do something for themselves, and most of the time, those people do not realize they hurt and cause pain to their surroundings for being so selfish themselves. Doesn't matter though ! Everyone is selfish, it's just the degree of selfishness that differ. My personal judgment, being selfish is okay, but being irresponsible is not.

We're not living this life by ourselves, we need people around, that is why we have family, relatives, acquaintances, friends, and most importantly life partner. Often for the sake of selfishness, we hurt too many people and worse, not even feel sorry about it. But what's worst? IRRESPONSIBLE. Yes, being irresponsible is far way more disrespectful than being selfish. I hate it when people did something awful and act like it's no big deal. Come on shallow people, can you just stop hurting other's feeling? This world does not fucking revolve around you. So please, just please think twice for every decision you're making.

Okay, what I'm trying to say is sort of twisted and difficult to explain. An example or illustration could do better description. Let's say you're finding a partner to start a business, you got the deal, signed a contract, and every decision in future are made by two of you. You can't simply act like you wish and think your partner will be okay with it, that's absurd. Good thing is, there is a law ! You can always sue your partner for breaching the contract under tort or negligence. Thus for every loss you suffer, you'll be compensated in some way.

However, there is this partnership that does not based on any contract. You both decide to form a strong bond together and that's it ! Just you and me. I could acted like an asshole and there's nothing you can do about it. Dang ! How unfair is that? Right, very unfair. There's no effing law you could use to sue me, nothing. You either deal with it or break up. This is why I wish nothing but responsibility from my partner.

6 months

Leaving house in 2 days doesn't feel so right, I get so upset and scared. This time is 6 months, more or less. Well, mom is always mom, dad is always dad, brothers are always brothers, cousins are always cousins, regardless of how frequent we contacted each other, nothing will change. But someone is not always someone. Today we're stranger, the next day you're my date, the day after tomorrow we could pretend like we never knew each other. Sucks big time. Apparently, 6 months is definitely a very short period of time, but you know, when people changed, 1 day is more than enough, we never know.

If eyes could speak

Standing close to me close enough to reach perfect time to tell her
But I can't even put the words together
Bevelizing eyes getting in my disguise
Can't you see me hiding?

What am I afraid of a finding?
I know what I'm thinking
But the words won't come out

If eyes could speak
One look would say everything
About the way you smile,
The way you laugh
The way you dress,
The way your beauty leaves me breathless

If eyes could speak
I wouldn't have to talk

Here we go again trying to pretend My hand is steady
The way she looks tonight isn't helping
Vision's getting blur gotta calm my nerves, it's now or never
There's only one way to the answer

I know what to tell her
But the words won't come out

If eyes could speak
One look would say everything
About the way you smile,
The way you laugh
The way you dress,
The way your beauty leaves me breathless

If eyes could speak
I wouldn't have to talk

Maybe I can finally care of us
Finally get the nervous people mind
And tell you the things I can't say
And baby I would look into your eyes
And maybe you will finally realize
Words are just words anyway

If eyes could speak
One look would say everything
About the way you smile,
The way you laugh
The way you dress,
The way your beauty leaves me breathless

If eyes could speak
I wouldn't have to talk

I tell you all about
The way you smile,
The way you laugh
The way you dress,
The way your beauty leaves me breathless

If eyes could speak
I wouldn't have to talk

marry me

Forever can never be long enough for me, to feel like I've had long enough with you. Forget the world now we won't let them see, but there's one thing left to do. Now that the weight has lifted, love has surely shifted my way. Marry me, today and every day ♥

giving in and committing

People said the happiest moment you're gonna go through in a relationship is the time when you first get to know each other. The phases afterwards won't be as thrilling as the initial phase, real talk. It's a stupid cycle when you go from friends to close friends to couple and there are fights, unimportant arguments, misunderstandings, and finally the relationship goes boring/flat/annoying/stressing. It's also when you know both of you are not going anywhere but you tried to keep the relationship going til you end up hurting each other. This is so effing common and I hate that fact I go through the same thing again and again. Just when I thought this time is different, problem comes in, those stupid cycle takes place and dang ! there you go, same ending, same story, same heartbreaking decision, just with a different person. Sad? Don't be. Your friends, family, relatives, siblings and people around you are gonna comfort you, "perhaps he's just not the one" "there are a lot of guy out there, better one" "don't be sad, it's not the end of the world". Well, thank you for the fake concerns, I'll do fine.

Now the most ridiculous part ! Despite how many times love fails you, there is always someone who's gonna show up and make your heart falls ten feet out of its place. There will always be one opposite sex who make you go head over heels. Remember the butterflies you feel when he said he kinda adore you? Remember how you blush over his romantic texts? That is how sweet love is, at first. And please believe me, whatever comes up afterwards are those hell you could never imagine.`Even worse, no single couple is gonna escape this, we all go through the same thing, the same complicated process. I swore and promised myself that I'm not gonna see anybody, I'm not gonna date anyone, I'm not gonna involve in any serious relationship for a certain long time, however, turns out I bailed on myself.

Once again, I let this happen. For this time God, just for this time, please go easy on me. You are the only one that can see the hell I've been through. I ain't asking for anything, just bless this one. If I get to choose, I wouldn't want to fall in love for they say "never fall in love; fall off bridge, it hurts less". You send him in, You make me say yes, You gotta protect me, make this a beautiful story I'd share to my kids, thank you.