be the man

"Every girl needs a man; the kind that will treat you right as well as others; the kind that has enough respect for himself, family, and others; the one that will change for you to just be with you. The kind that searches for you with his heart, the kind that can be trusted alone with a room full of many other beautiful ladies, the kind that won’t cheat on you cause he knows he’s got all he wants and needs already, the kind that’s willing to be your friend and lover, the kind that doesn’t mind calling early in the morning to say good morning and late at night to say good night; maybe even sing you a good morning and tell you a good night story or talk to you until you fall asleep. That kind that will do anything for you, even if it’s just to buy your favorite kind of candy. The kind that will defend and fight for you, the kind that won’t ditch you for his friends when you need him the most, the kind that won’t leave you lonely and wondering, the one that calls you surprisingly, even if he’s with his friends, just to tell you that he loves you and misses you a lot. The kind that isn’t afraid to smile to his friends every time you’re around and tells them, “She’s the one.” The kind that appreciates you for the things to do for him, even if they’re little. The kind that actually thanks you for the little love notes you leave him, the kind that is willing to wait for you when you’re falling behind, the kind that will actually open the door for you, take you out on dates once in a while and buy you flowers cause it’s a Wednesday. The kind that notices your hair when you just got it cut or done beautifully for him, the kind that reminds you that he loves you and that he’s happy with you in case you forget, the kind that just doesn’t want kisses and hugs but to actually be loved and to love the kind that calls you “beautiful” instead of “hot”. The kind that kisses your forehead when you’re down, the kid that tells you to be strong and not to cry, the kind that will go through thick and thin with and for you, the kind that just loves you for who you are. That kind of man, that’s the kind you keep."

be the guy

"I want somebody to sleep with for the rest of my life and cuddle up with during a movie on the couch. Stay up all night talking about nothing. Get lost in the woods together. Challenge me, challenge him. Talk about dreams, make dreams. Have fight, the kind that only really matter just as long as you’re having them. Someone I can wrestle with, you know, play hard sometimes and not worry about breaking a nail or an arm. A guy who will bring me flowers once in awhile, maybe a rock too or a shell of some sort. Something he saw that made him think of me, made him think “this might make my girl smile” as he smiles to himself. A guy who wants me, maybe even needs me, just a little, enough to hold onto me with everything he’s got."

better life

How are you gonna make today better than yesterday? You wake up at the same time every morning, talk to the same person every day, do the same routine, sit behind the same desk, and drive along the same street almost every single day. How are you gonna make a difference then? To me, and perhaps to most people out there, this is how life is. It's all about repeating the same routines, isn't it? And just when you think that you're not happy with your life, stop there, and think all over again.

There's nothing much we can do for a drastic change. You can't turn rich, or turn pretty in a night, but you could still be happy without being rich and pretty. What's more important than being happy itself? Your life might be boring and tedious, but that shouldn't stop you from being a happy person, true? Just realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simple part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learned will last a lifetime.

Here are some of my tips to be happy, I don't know if they work on others but they definitely work on me :)
- dream more while you're awake.
- forget issues of the past. there's no use to remind your partner of his past mistakes.
- don't have negative thoughts or things you can't control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
- don't hate others. Life is short, remember?
- you don't have to win every argument, agree to disagree.
- never compare your life with others.
- forgive everyone for everything.
- always remember that the best is yet to come.
- and the simplest, smile and laugh more.

Happy weekend, sugah !

listen

Don't dwell on the past. Your history can’t be erased, but your future has yet to be written. Make the most of what’s going to happen instead of worrying about what you can’t change. Don’t waste your time being sad, because you’re wasting away moments in which you could be happy.

after 12

Last six months, taken on January 2011.

Last night ! we don't change much I guess, just look somehow older. The same cousins bonding time, minus Ahui Ko taking the photo for us. ♥♥♥ (more photos on facebook)

Snow White doesn't have to go to work.

Going back or not going back to Beijing has become a significant issue to me these past few weeks. I honestly feel no thrill to spend another half year over there. Not that I don't like it there, come on who's gonna refuse the chance to have fun far from your parents, spending some time to yourself, dance the nights off, shop till you drop, wake up at 12 and don't feel guilty at all. That was life in Beijing. It was all about having fun and irresponsible. I had no self-control, I let myself drown in the comfort of spending money that I don't earn. I love living my life that way, but I can't and I shouldn't.

Considering to quit Beijing is such a pain in the ass. I've been thinking about the after-plan if I'm quitting, I'll either end up working of which I'm not ready for or I'll end up taking master degree of which somehow not possible at the moment. Perhaps there's no harm living my fun life for another half year, but still after long consideration, I still come to think that learning Chinese in Beijing is such a waste of time and yes, money. Frankly, I skipped more classes than those I attended. Instead of reading books, I hit the club and shopping malls. Why would I go back to those days? It was insanely fun, indeed. But dad made me feel like I shouldn't be doing that at my age now. To him, life is all about earning money, building family and being responsible to your surroundings. And I'm just in the right age to start realizing and learning. So let me go back and think all over again, bloody September is just around the corner :'(

classic excuses

Isn't this just so very true? I read down the list and I'm amazed at how point 4,5,7,11,14,15,17,18 describe those exact sentences I wanna throw to men's faces.

awake and waiting

Almost two in the midnight and I'm still wide awake with confusing emotional feeling. The day was spent with bunch of close friends and new acquaintances. I feel great not staying at my room on weekend. Completely exhausted and drained, but I just can't get into sleep at the moment so I tried to rest myself and do nothing. Ridiculously, this stupid brain started to make up images, stories, and lines. They were those unfamiliar stuff running back and forth in my mind and I get very anxious afterwards. My heart beats faster, hoping that what crossed my head earlier wasn't true and not gonna be true. Do you get that often, dear readers? Honestly, it hits me so fucking frequent and I hate how it makes me feel, no kidding.

They were those stupid 'scene', which perhaps is not happening or perhaps not gonna happen, but still you're so cautious and aware because we all know that there's nothing hurt more than disappointment and betrayal. Every time I encounter such thing, I'll normally hold back and think 'ohh, I shouldn't trust someone so much' or 'hey, don't expect things'. But this time, I don't wanna give a fuck anymore. I get damn tired of being cautious. It's true that there's simply too much risk in loving someone wholeheartedly. You don't know when he's gonna turn you down, you don't know when he's gonna break your heart, you don't know when he's gonna flip you out. In fact, you do know that one day in future, there's a big chance or I should say an absolute chance for him to break you heart, but you still hand him your heart hoping that he's different. THAT'S STUPID. Well, love is all about being stupid, isn't it?

I wanna be the reason to his every why

worst thing

“The worst thing is loving someone when you know you shouldn’t anymore. It’s caring about someone, wondering how they are and what they’re up to when the truth is they’ve stopped wondering about you a long time ago. The worst thing is remembering every single detail of your relationship when he’s obviously long forgotten about you. The worst thing is missing him so much when he doesn’t even realize you’re gone, the worst thing is feeling the same as you ever did, knowing you shouldn’t, because he doesn’t anymore.”

sinful thought

We were once a stranger to each other. We had our past. We had memories with others. We both never know that one another exists. We lived our own life. And this, what we have now, is unplanned. We went from awkward introduction and meeting to a comfortable state, which is a good thing. But what if good thing doesn't always fell good? It finally hits me, the comfortable feeling in fact creates space. We don't try to understand each other anymore, we stop running to each other because we know we have each other. Sounds complicated but true.

I believe everyone has been told to put effort in everything you wanna get. You can't just sit back and wait for good things to happen. Apparently, I did my part, I put effort on you, I reserve a spot for you, I let you in, I profoundly let myself occupied and attached. Yet I'm just a normal individual with great self-protection. You set a space between us, you made it clear that I can't go anywhere near you. I can't help but to do something to make myself secure and safe. I'm building my own wall, where even you are not allowed in. Realize it or not, we just made the space between us even wider. So listen, we do not get unlimited chances to have the things we want. And this, we all know. Nothing is worse than missing an opportunity that could have changed your life.

520

“I bet you didn’t know that I’m terrified of the dark, & every time I think of you I smile. I bet you didn’t know that I’m terrified of thunderstorms, but I love dancing in the rain. Or how much I laugh with my friends & how much I truly enjoy being happy. I bet you didn’t know how many tears I’ve cried just for you, or how much I doubt myself everyday. I bet you didn’t know how ticklish I am or how I can’t make decisions & how it drives me crazy when you look me in the eyes. I bet you didn’t know that I would do anything to be with you. But mostly, I bet you didn’t know how much I love you.”

morning citrus

Good day sweeties ! I woke up feeling so good this morning, real good. Until I found out everyone in this house is out, leaving me all alone with no car, no food, nothing. Sucks big time, yeah. Doesn't matter anyway, I love having the time and house to myself, without mom or dad buzzing in and bother the hell out of me. Since I'm freaking free, I went to youtube and abuse the replay button of "The Cataracs - Top of the world ft. Dev", all time favorite, and the video is just so uhh sexy.

Seriously, I don't feel like blogging right now, can someone just drive me out? I lied when I said I love having the time and house to myself :( I need shopping, good lunch, or just simply hanging out with bunch of friends.

shithead !

Ever feel that mad, like super mad when you wanna slam the door so fucking hard? No, it wasn't like that. Even madder, like you wanna drive at 160 and crash the car in front of you? Or even like you wanna set fire and burn someone alive? Yeah, it's that mad. Ironically, you're tearing while being mad. Funny how you were so happy and cheerful at one minute then when someone let you down, you gone so uncontrollable at the next minute. I guess it's just me being so unstable or it's you being so inconsiderate. I don't know.

I haven't been this pissed off for some time, and I hate feeling this way all over again. That is it, I told myself so many times that shits happened, and like it or not, I have to deal with it. No one's perfect, you can be wrong a lot of the time, we can fight and get mad at each other but nothing, nothing gonna change the fact that I love you.

It's alright for you to bail on me, it's alright for you to let me down, it's alright for you to have so much fun while me typing this and repeatedly considering to slam my lappy to the floor, it's alright for you to laugh while me crying. But it's not alright for you not to feel sorry at all. Whatever, I don't care, as long as you eventually come home safely, call my name, say sorry and hug me, everything will be fine. Goddamn, I hate myself for being so hell stupid.

explain how, tough question.

I don't understand how you can smile all day long but cry yourself to sleep at night. How pictures never change but the people in them do. How your best friend can become your worst enemy, or how strange it is when your worst enemy turns into your best friend. How forever turns into a few short months that you'd do almost anything to get back. How can you let go of something you once said you can't live without. How even though you know something is best for you, it just hurts the same. How the people who once wanted to spend every seconds with you, think a few minutes of their time is too much to spare. How people make promises despite knowing how common it is for promises to be broken. How people can erase you from their lives just because it's easier than working things out.

unfolded fact