All yours.

I tend to view the world with some sort of cynicism. I don’t get well with people I’ve just met because I feel socially awkward around them. Sometimes, I can’t tell if I’m really that way or I make myself out to behave that way as a defense mechanism. Maybe both. I don’t really trust myself or people around me to let my guard down. I feel like the things I say or do may someday be used against me. I am nervous, my fight mechanism is perpetually in overdrive.

Then there are certain people who come into my life and somehow manage to break my walls down, slowly but surely. And then the words are tumbling out of my mouth too quick and before I know it my entire being - my feelings, my thoughts, my memories, my secrets, my heart.. Everything is suddenly theirs to keep, to safeguard. And then I get scared. Because those are the people who always end up leaving me, taking parts of me I never get back again.

15degrees and lower.

I can feel the winter breezes out of my window and it's fucking September right now. Winter is indeed such a pain in the ass where I'll feel gloomy most of the days during that months. Not being able to wear nice outfits, not the mention the intolerable humidity that obviously impacted on my skin at some point. Well, good thing spring comes after winter where by that time I'll be somewhere close to mommy and daddy. Everything with school went not so good I should say, been skipping few classes due to the improper morning schedule plus most of the teachers here are utterly boring. And each time I managed to attend the morning class, I'll end up sleeping half through the class. Epic, doesn't it?

Sometimes it made me wonder what the fuck am I doing here. I'm not here to study (goes with the fact I skipped more classes than those I attended), I profoundly spend regular money for unimportant stuff (this one can't be helped). This is seriously ridiculous on second thought, why would I stay far from my beloved ones, why would I waste those kind of money and time, why would I let myself slack through these upcoming 6 months? Where the bitter truth is I could have started working and earned my own money. I hate the way I'm too indulged in the comfort and privileges given by daddy, and often forget that I'm just in the right age to work my ass off instead of keep on spending shit. I demand and give nothing in return :(. Well, pls just wait a bit more, dear mom and dad.

always do, always will.

So long my friend! I'm desperate for a good and proper internet connection over here. My lame connection in the dorm is one of many reasons I get furious so often these days. I don't know how to start, but let's begin it this way. Well, I'm currently here in Shanghai, finishing my last half year of Chinese studies. Been here a few times, and now that I get to stay here for quite some time, I realize this is just another great city to live in. Ever since I get here, things are just great, good foods, nice friends, incredible shopping venues, beautiful city and amazing many new things to be learned. I like it here, not a bad place to spend my last half year of fun.

Don't get me wrong though, things aren't all so great here. Apparently I left to China just one day after my mom and dad left to Africa for their vacation so I kinda missed the thrill of kissing them goodbye. And worse part of being alone, far from my family is that it makes me sort of emotionally unstable. And yeah, what's worst than a long distance relationship? Number one reason why people giving up on love.

Misunderstandings, over-possessiveness, massive insecurities, they are just another shits I wish to kick outta my life. Being in this kind of relationship makes me assuming the worst out of everything and I hate myself for being so negative all along. Not to mention the big fight where we thought we lost respect to each other, where we tried to defend ourselves and keep blaming the other for causing such a mess. Question is who survive LDR? There are some, but most of them, they don't make it no matter how hard they hold on. Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength. Well anyhow, I believe things are gonna work out just the way I want it to be. Happy one and a half boy !

ain't goodbye yet.

Few hours left until my flight to Jakarta and I get all upset that I have to leave lovely people behind. Well, it's just for 6 months though, a very short period of time. I've never once love staying at my hometown, but this time I really had a great time. There was few farewell party and dinner before I left. I shall thank my cousins for the quality time we had, and of course the fun party the other day. Thanks to my high school mates too, who purposely scheduled a day-out with me. Another thanks to my girls for the last memorable night in Medan. Lastly, thank you mom and dad for nagging, yelling, and complaining all the time, I'll sure miss you both. Well, half year it is and I'm done. I'll get to see them as much as I want, I'll get to call them anytime and we'll have so much fun at the end of the day. Take care everyone here, I'll see you guys again in a bit xx ♥

go to hell irresponsible people

I guess the title of the post explains everything. No one is ever born irresponsible. It is inside us, the consciousness to become responsible individual that gain respect from other people. But I guess the consciousness does not live in everyone. Some people make decision for themselves, some people do something for themselves, and most of the time, those people do not realize they hurt and cause pain to their surroundings for being so selfish themselves. Doesn't matter though ! Everyone is selfish, it's just the degree of selfishness that differ. My personal judgment, being selfish is okay, but being irresponsible is not.

We're not living this life by ourselves, we need people around, that is why we have family, relatives, acquaintances, friends, and most importantly life partner. Often for the sake of selfishness, we hurt too many people and worse, not even feel sorry about it. But what's worst? IRRESPONSIBLE. Yes, being irresponsible is far way more disrespectful than being selfish. I hate it when people did something awful and act like it's no big deal. Come on shallow people, can you just stop hurting other's feeling? This world does not fucking revolve around you. So please, just please think twice for every decision you're making.

Okay, what I'm trying to say is sort of twisted and difficult to explain. An example or illustration could do better description. Let's say you're finding a partner to start a business, you got the deal, signed a contract, and every decision in future are made by two of you. You can't simply act like you wish and think your partner will be okay with it, that's absurd. Good thing is, there is a law ! You can always sue your partner for breaching the contract under tort or negligence. Thus for every loss you suffer, you'll be compensated in some way.

However, there is this partnership that does not based on any contract. You both decide to form a strong bond together and that's it ! Just you and me. I could acted like an asshole and there's nothing you can do about it. Dang ! How unfair is that? Right, very unfair. There's no effing law you could use to sue me, nothing. You either deal with it or break up. This is why I wish nothing but responsibility from my partner.

6 months

Leaving house in 2 days doesn't feel so right, I get so upset and scared. This time is 6 months, more or less. Well, mom is always mom, dad is always dad, brothers are always brothers, cousins are always cousins, regardless of how frequent we contacted each other, nothing will change. But someone is not always someone. Today we're stranger, the next day you're my date, the day after tomorrow we could pretend like we never knew each other. Sucks big time. Apparently, 6 months is definitely a very short period of time, but you know, when people changed, 1 day is more than enough, we never know.

If eyes could speak

Standing close to me close enough to reach perfect time to tell her
But I can't even put the words together
Bevelizing eyes getting in my disguise
Can't you see me hiding?

What am I afraid of a finding?
I know what I'm thinking
But the words won't come out

If eyes could speak
One look would say everything
About the way you smile,
The way you laugh
The way you dress,
The way your beauty leaves me breathless

If eyes could speak
I wouldn't have to talk

Here we go again trying to pretend My hand is steady
The way she looks tonight isn't helping
Vision's getting blur gotta calm my nerves, it's now or never
There's only one way to the answer

I know what to tell her
But the words won't come out

If eyes could speak
One look would say everything
About the way you smile,
The way you laugh
The way you dress,
The way your beauty leaves me breathless

If eyes could speak
I wouldn't have to talk

Maybe I can finally care of us
Finally get the nervous people mind
And tell you the things I can't say
And baby I would look into your eyes
And maybe you will finally realize
Words are just words anyway

If eyes could speak
One look would say everything
About the way you smile,
The way you laugh
The way you dress,
The way your beauty leaves me breathless

If eyes could speak
I wouldn't have to talk

I tell you all about
The way you smile,
The way you laugh
The way you dress,
The way your beauty leaves me breathless

If eyes could speak
I wouldn't have to talk

marry me

Forever can never be long enough for me, to feel like I've had long enough with you. Forget the world now we won't let them see, but there's one thing left to do. Now that the weight has lifted, love has surely shifted my way. Marry me, today and every day ♥

giving in and committing

People said the happiest moment you're gonna go through in a relationship is the time when you first get to know each other. The phases afterwards won't be as thrilling as the initial phase, real talk. It's a stupid cycle when you go from friends to close friends to couple and there are fights, unimportant arguments, misunderstandings, and finally the relationship goes boring/flat/annoying/stressing. It's also when you know both of you are not going anywhere but you tried to keep the relationship going til you end up hurting each other. This is so effing common and I hate that fact I go through the same thing again and again. Just when I thought this time is different, problem comes in, those stupid cycle takes place and dang ! there you go, same ending, same story, same heartbreaking decision, just with a different person. Sad? Don't be. Your friends, family, relatives, siblings and people around you are gonna comfort you, "perhaps he's just not the one" "there are a lot of guy out there, better one" "don't be sad, it's not the end of the world". Well, thank you for the fake concerns, I'll do fine.

Now the most ridiculous part ! Despite how many times love fails you, there is always someone who's gonna show up and make your heart falls ten feet out of its place. There will always be one opposite sex who make you go head over heels. Remember the butterflies you feel when he said he kinda adore you? Remember how you blush over his romantic texts? That is how sweet love is, at first. And please believe me, whatever comes up afterwards are those hell you could never imagine.`Even worse, no single couple is gonna escape this, we all go through the same thing, the same complicated process. I swore and promised myself that I'm not gonna see anybody, I'm not gonna date anyone, I'm not gonna involve in any serious relationship for a certain long time, however, turns out I bailed on myself.

Once again, I let this happen. For this time God, just for this time, please go easy on me. You are the only one that can see the hell I've been through. I ain't asking for anything, just bless this one. If I get to choose, I wouldn't want to fall in love for they say "never fall in love; fall off bridge, it hurts less". You send him in, You make me say yes, You gotta protect me, make this a beautiful story I'd share to my kids, thank you.

be the man

"Every girl needs a man; the kind that will treat you right as well as others; the kind that has enough respect for himself, family, and others; the one that will change for you to just be with you. The kind that searches for you with his heart, the kind that can be trusted alone with a room full of many other beautiful ladies, the kind that won’t cheat on you cause he knows he’s got all he wants and needs already, the kind that’s willing to be your friend and lover, the kind that doesn’t mind calling early in the morning to say good morning and late at night to say good night; maybe even sing you a good morning and tell you a good night story or talk to you until you fall asleep. That kind that will do anything for you, even if it’s just to buy your favorite kind of candy. The kind that will defend and fight for you, the kind that won’t ditch you for his friends when you need him the most, the kind that won’t leave you lonely and wondering, the one that calls you surprisingly, even if he’s with his friends, just to tell you that he loves you and misses you a lot. The kind that isn’t afraid to smile to his friends every time you’re around and tells them, “She’s the one.” The kind that appreciates you for the things to do for him, even if they’re little. The kind that actually thanks you for the little love notes you leave him, the kind that is willing to wait for you when you’re falling behind, the kind that will actually open the door for you, take you out on dates once in a while and buy you flowers cause it’s a Wednesday. The kind that notices your hair when you just got it cut or done beautifully for him, the kind that reminds you that he loves you and that he’s happy with you in case you forget, the kind that just doesn’t want kisses and hugs but to actually be loved and to love the kind that calls you “beautiful” instead of “hot”. The kind that kisses your forehead when you’re down, the kid that tells you to be strong and not to cry, the kind that will go through thick and thin with and for you, the kind that just loves you for who you are. That kind of man, that’s the kind you keep."

be the guy

"I want somebody to sleep with for the rest of my life and cuddle up with during a movie on the couch. Stay up all night talking about nothing. Get lost in the woods together. Challenge me, challenge him. Talk about dreams, make dreams. Have fight, the kind that only really matter just as long as you’re having them. Someone I can wrestle with, you know, play hard sometimes and not worry about breaking a nail or an arm. A guy who will bring me flowers once in awhile, maybe a rock too or a shell of some sort. Something he saw that made him think of me, made him think “this might make my girl smile” as he smiles to himself. A guy who wants me, maybe even needs me, just a little, enough to hold onto me with everything he’s got."

better life

How are you gonna make today better than yesterday? You wake up at the same time every morning, talk to the same person every day, do the same routine, sit behind the same desk, and drive along the same street almost every single day. How are you gonna make a difference then? To me, and perhaps to most people out there, this is how life is. It's all about repeating the same routines, isn't it? And just when you think that you're not happy with your life, stop there, and think all over again.

There's nothing much we can do for a drastic change. You can't turn rich, or turn pretty in a night, but you could still be happy without being rich and pretty. What's more important than being happy itself? Your life might be boring and tedious, but that shouldn't stop you from being a happy person, true? Just realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simple part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learned will last a lifetime.

Here are some of my tips to be happy, I don't know if they work on others but they definitely work on me :)
- dream more while you're awake.
- forget issues of the past. there's no use to remind your partner of his past mistakes.
- don't have negative thoughts or things you can't control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
- don't hate others. Life is short, remember?
- you don't have to win every argument, agree to disagree.
- never compare your life with others.
- forgive everyone for everything.
- always remember that the best is yet to come.
- and the simplest, smile and laugh more.

Happy weekend, sugah !

listen

Don't dwell on the past. Your history can’t be erased, but your future has yet to be written. Make the most of what’s going to happen instead of worrying about what you can’t change. Don’t waste your time being sad, because you’re wasting away moments in which you could be happy.

after 12

Last six months, taken on January 2011.

Last night ! we don't change much I guess, just look somehow older. The same cousins bonding time, minus Ahui Ko taking the photo for us. ♥♥♥ (more photos on facebook)

Snow White doesn't have to go to work.

Going back or not going back to Beijing has become a significant issue to me these past few weeks. I honestly feel no thrill to spend another half year over there. Not that I don't like it there, come on who's gonna refuse the chance to have fun far from your parents, spending some time to yourself, dance the nights off, shop till you drop, wake up at 12 and don't feel guilty at all. That was life in Beijing. It was all about having fun and irresponsible. I had no self-control, I let myself drown in the comfort of spending money that I don't earn. I love living my life that way, but I can't and I shouldn't.

Considering to quit Beijing is such a pain in the ass. I've been thinking about the after-plan if I'm quitting, I'll either end up working of which I'm not ready for or I'll end up taking master degree of which somehow not possible at the moment. Perhaps there's no harm living my fun life for another half year, but still after long consideration, I still come to think that learning Chinese in Beijing is such a waste of time and yes, money. Frankly, I skipped more classes than those I attended. Instead of reading books, I hit the club and shopping malls. Why would I go back to those days? It was insanely fun, indeed. But dad made me feel like I shouldn't be doing that at my age now. To him, life is all about earning money, building family and being responsible to your surroundings. And I'm just in the right age to start realizing and learning. So let me go back and think all over again, bloody September is just around the corner :'(

classic excuses

Isn't this just so very true? I read down the list and I'm amazed at how point 4,5,7,11,14,15,17,18 describe those exact sentences I wanna throw to men's faces.

awake and waiting

Almost two in the midnight and I'm still wide awake with confusing emotional feeling. The day was spent with bunch of close friends and new acquaintances. I feel great not staying at my room on weekend. Completely exhausted and drained, but I just can't get into sleep at the moment so I tried to rest myself and do nothing. Ridiculously, this stupid brain started to make up images, stories, and lines. They were those unfamiliar stuff running back and forth in my mind and I get very anxious afterwards. My heart beats faster, hoping that what crossed my head earlier wasn't true and not gonna be true. Do you get that often, dear readers? Honestly, it hits me so fucking frequent and I hate how it makes me feel, no kidding.

They were those stupid 'scene', which perhaps is not happening or perhaps not gonna happen, but still you're so cautious and aware because we all know that there's nothing hurt more than disappointment and betrayal. Every time I encounter such thing, I'll normally hold back and think 'ohh, I shouldn't trust someone so much' or 'hey, don't expect things'. But this time, I don't wanna give a fuck anymore. I get damn tired of being cautious. It's true that there's simply too much risk in loving someone wholeheartedly. You don't know when he's gonna turn you down, you don't know when he's gonna break your heart, you don't know when he's gonna flip you out. In fact, you do know that one day in future, there's a big chance or I should say an absolute chance for him to break you heart, but you still hand him your heart hoping that he's different. THAT'S STUPID. Well, love is all about being stupid, isn't it?

I wanna be the reason to his every why

worst thing

“The worst thing is loving someone when you know you shouldn’t anymore. It’s caring about someone, wondering how they are and what they’re up to when the truth is they’ve stopped wondering about you a long time ago. The worst thing is remembering every single detail of your relationship when he’s obviously long forgotten about you. The worst thing is missing him so much when he doesn’t even realize you’re gone, the worst thing is feeling the same as you ever did, knowing you shouldn’t, because he doesn’t anymore.”

sinful thought

We were once a stranger to each other. We had our past. We had memories with others. We both never know that one another exists. We lived our own life. And this, what we have now, is unplanned. We went from awkward introduction and meeting to a comfortable state, which is a good thing. But what if good thing doesn't always fell good? It finally hits me, the comfortable feeling in fact creates space. We don't try to understand each other anymore, we stop running to each other because we know we have each other. Sounds complicated but true.

I believe everyone has been told to put effort in everything you wanna get. You can't just sit back and wait for good things to happen. Apparently, I did my part, I put effort on you, I reserve a spot for you, I let you in, I profoundly let myself occupied and attached. Yet I'm just a normal individual with great self-protection. You set a space between us, you made it clear that I can't go anywhere near you. I can't help but to do something to make myself secure and safe. I'm building my own wall, where even you are not allowed in. Realize it or not, we just made the space between us even wider. So listen, we do not get unlimited chances to have the things we want. And this, we all know. Nothing is worse than missing an opportunity that could have changed your life.

520

“I bet you didn’t know that I’m terrified of the dark, & every time I think of you I smile. I bet you didn’t know that I’m terrified of thunderstorms, but I love dancing in the rain. Or how much I laugh with my friends & how much I truly enjoy being happy. I bet you didn’t know how many tears I’ve cried just for you, or how much I doubt myself everyday. I bet you didn’t know how ticklish I am or how I can’t make decisions & how it drives me crazy when you look me in the eyes. I bet you didn’t know that I would do anything to be with you. But mostly, I bet you didn’t know how much I love you.”

morning citrus

Good day sweeties ! I woke up feeling so good this morning, real good. Until I found out everyone in this house is out, leaving me all alone with no car, no food, nothing. Sucks big time, yeah. Doesn't matter anyway, I love having the time and house to myself, without mom or dad buzzing in and bother the hell out of me. Since I'm freaking free, I went to youtube and abuse the replay button of "The Cataracs - Top of the world ft. Dev", all time favorite, and the video is just so uhh sexy.

Seriously, I don't feel like blogging right now, can someone just drive me out? I lied when I said I love having the time and house to myself :( I need shopping, good lunch, or just simply hanging out with bunch of friends.

shithead !

Ever feel that mad, like super mad when you wanna slam the door so fucking hard? No, it wasn't like that. Even madder, like you wanna drive at 160 and crash the car in front of you? Or even like you wanna set fire and burn someone alive? Yeah, it's that mad. Ironically, you're tearing while being mad. Funny how you were so happy and cheerful at one minute then when someone let you down, you gone so uncontrollable at the next minute. I guess it's just me being so unstable or it's you being so inconsiderate. I don't know.

I haven't been this pissed off for some time, and I hate feeling this way all over again. That is it, I told myself so many times that shits happened, and like it or not, I have to deal with it. No one's perfect, you can be wrong a lot of the time, we can fight and get mad at each other but nothing, nothing gonna change the fact that I love you.

It's alright for you to bail on me, it's alright for you to let me down, it's alright for you to have so much fun while me typing this and repeatedly considering to slam my lappy to the floor, it's alright for you to laugh while me crying. But it's not alright for you not to feel sorry at all. Whatever, I don't care, as long as you eventually come home safely, call my name, say sorry and hug me, everything will be fine. Goddamn, I hate myself for being so hell stupid.

explain how, tough question.

I don't understand how you can smile all day long but cry yourself to sleep at night. How pictures never change but the people in them do. How your best friend can become your worst enemy, or how strange it is when your worst enemy turns into your best friend. How forever turns into a few short months that you'd do almost anything to get back. How can you let go of something you once said you can't live without. How even though you know something is best for you, it just hurts the same. How the people who once wanted to spend every seconds with you, think a few minutes of their time is too much to spare. How people make promises despite knowing how common it is for promises to be broken. How people can erase you from their lives just because it's easier than working things out.

unfolded fact

act like a grown up, think like a grown up

We were all young and free back then, but when you hit 21, you know some thing doesn't stay like the way it was when you were 17. We messed things up, we screwed people, we lied, we caused drama, that was all legal and normal when you were teens. You had all the time being a bitch but when you blew your candles on your 21st birthday, you know things changed. You can't just messed things up and expect your parents to clean the shits you caused, that's being a grown up. Hitting 21 isn't a bad thing at all, people started to listen to your opinion, you even get the right to speak out your thought. Mom and dad didn't yell at me as much as they did back then, good thing. That's the changes we see from people around us, how they treat and see us. And what's the changes come from yourself?

I started to take responsibility for whatever I did, I don't cry or get upset easily like I used to. I accept the fact that sometimes thing just won't go the way we want it to be. Whatever it is, there's always a reason behind everything happened. Just like now, when God destined us to meet, yet He separated us miles away. I wanna complain, I wanna ask Him why, but none of it gonna make it better. The truth is that nothing worth having is ever easy, and all the best things in life are the result of pain. In the end that's what makes the good things so great and that's what make it all worth the struggle. That's being grown up too, when you choose to fight instead of giving up. When you choose to go through the pain just to make it all worthwhile.

I remembered how I pushed everyone away just because it's too complicated to handle, just because I can't give the commitment they wanted, that was being innocent and irresponsible. I had no intention to make anyone stay, I was happy being all alone, I felt great seeing people begging and me acting all ignorant and arrogant, that was being a bitch. Well, you can't continue being a bitch when you grown up, so you change and wish when the time you're sincere and true, there's someone worth it stepped in.

when it comes knocking.

Nobody gets to define what love is. Not you, not me, not anyone. But you'll know it's love when it comes knocking. You don't need an explanation, not a reason, not even a logic thought, you'll let it comes in just like that. You know it is it when you wake up in the morning, checking your phone and wish he's there, first to text you. Then it grows stronger when one day you set his photo as your wallpaper, just that you'll remember how he looks like every time you unlocked your phone. Moreover when he's someone you don't get to see that often, you have to do whatever it takes to keep his face well-remembered. You used to keep your phone in silent mode day and night, yet now you changed it to 'loud' and 'vibrate' so that falling asleep isn't the reason not to reply his text. And there are times when you think saying prayer is just a waste of time, so you'll keep it short and clear.. yet now, you slipped his name inside without bothering if it takes 2 or 3 minutes longer. Those little things you did, it's love.

I did those things mentioned above. Sometimes, it went even more terrible, just like those 15 years old teenagers, I flip my magazine to the last page and see what the astrology says about us, smile when it's good, frown when it's bad and comfort myself that it's not always true. Unfortunately, after all those stupid things you did, someone still doubting how you feel about him.

tumblr speaks out

I can't believe I just gave up. I just let you drop out of my life. I tried to make you stay, then one day it got too hard and I saw what you really wanted was a life without me. So I gave up and now you're really gone. I wish I could make you come back but tears, wishes and reminiscing do nothing but make my heart break a little bit more.

You thought I couldn't do this without you, but guess what, I sleep great at night now. I don't hurt because you're not here. I just had to learn to accept it and move on, and I did. But you, you're the one who keeps crawling back. So next time you think, "oh hey, she's happy, gotta mess that up". It's not gonna happen, because this time, you're not gonna get what you want. This time, I'm gonna get what I want and what I want, is not you.

damn, you moved on fast.

No, I've just learned to let go quicker. I choose not to waste too much time sulking in my own misery. Just because I bounce back quick, doesn't mean anything I ever felt for that person wasn't real as it gets. It just means I'm getting used to being let down. It doesn't hit me as hard anymore. No one ever set a specific amount of time before getting back into the game anyway. Besides, if someone special came by, it's not like I'm going to just push them away.

22nd of every June, I'm celebrating.

I've been living my holiday without internet access and hurray I survived without logging in to facebook. The holiday has finally come to an end, and soon I gotta go back to dad and all his office stuff. Well, it's not a bad thing. I honestly prefer working for dad instead of flying all the way back to Beijing and learn Chinese. Not that I don't like Chinese, but there are some reasons to why Beijing isn't an option any longer. Same thing with master degree. I know exactly I'm gonna regret it for not doing what I want, but what if something better come into your life and it left you no choice but to give up the earlier plan. Obviously, having the chance to complete the further degree is like a dream comes true to me. However, if I have to trade 'you' for that, I might as well forget that.

Idk if you're gonna worth my dream, but I believe meeting you isn't a meaningless coincidence. For what I believe, for what I have faith in, for what I feel, and for whatever it takes, I'm staying. I'll find another way of doing my degree, most probably in some locals university. Don't question me why, don't question me if it's worth it, because idk too. One day, we'll all come to know the worth.

For now, thank you for how you made me feel, thank you for how you keep me so secured and safe, thank you for being real, thank you for not taking me for granted, thank you for the most comfortable hugs and kisses, thank you for making me so great, thank you for every single little thing you did.

kind of a joke

There are times when you don't know what the fuck is going on, when you can't find any explanation to the situation you're going through and mostly all those times, you wish there's someone by your side, helping you to figure out. What it is to you when one day you wake up knowing that there's someone out there who was once no one, yet now become someone who's getting more important each day. Without realising it, that someone occupied most of your brain cells and like it or not, he became the only person who you'll think of before sleep and when you wake up the next morning. You hate it being too occupied by someone, you tried to convince yourself that he might be just another 'stranger' who walked in and walked out eventually, but he isn't. He's too significant to be ignored. He's fast. No one has ever attracted you that way. His existence eliminates every guy on the waiting list, no one is worth to be a rival.

And what it is when you let everyone wait it the line, but you created a 'short-cut' for him. With others, you never say 'yes', but with him, you can't wait to say 'yes'. This is strange and completely unusual. You changed the game, you changed the rule, you changed the prize, you changed almost everything for him. Ridiculously, he's someone you met only once. I feel like shouting out loud, 'You gotta be kidding me, dear God'.

waking up on dance floor

Man, I just flushed the finals down with the shits. Here's the good thing about learning foreign language, (red. Chinese), you don't really have to stay up late and memorize every single little thing in your textbook. I barely spent 30 minutes to prepare for the final, and I nailed it just right. It was 11 am when I stepped out from the exam hall and run back home. Ditched the textbooks, get ready to shop and party. Sadly, I get too tired to hit the club that night so I decided to sleep the night off.

I practically think it was a good thing to hit the bed instead of the club. Plus it was just 3 days ago when we last party on the dance floor. Well, I sort of trying to stop going to club, you know, when your dad and mom weren't so happy about it and leave you with no choice but to listen. I mean, they're cool with the fact I go to club, but once a week? Nah, they'll kill me. Think about it, aren't those 'not-supposed-to-be-done' stuffs often happen when you get too much drink? It never happen to me though, I'm pretty responsible to keep myself sober all the time.

Excuse my personal judgment, but I totally think drunken people are ugly, inside out. And girls? Ohh come on ! You step in the club looking gorgeous with high heels, tight dress, glowing hair and eyes. Then you have to go home clinging to guys with your arms around their shoulders and neck because you're too drunk to walk on your own feet? That's a turn off. And sometimes when they got to lift you up high to avoid the crowds while at the same time, your skirt was pulled up and there goes the free show of your underwear. That's gross sweetie ! Count yourself lucky if you went with your friends, as in real friends. Not those perverted bastards trying to steal your kiss or have a grasp on your boobs and ass. Not to mention that awkward moment when you wake up the next morning and remember nothing. And you get to hear the stories from your friend about how drunk you were last night, and how your lips touched with 'you-don't-know-whose' lips? Now who said all girls are beautiful? I'm gonna stand in the first line to disagree. Count in the manners and attitude.

perfect denial

It was a casual meeting, introduction, and hand-shakes. Who thought someone I knew not long ago could mean a lot to me few months later. With all the flirts, sweet-talks and jokes, I tried not to fall into them. I command my heart to stay still and not to move even the slightest bit. I win. Until I found out that I can't keep on pretending like this. Waking up to your texts and morning greetings are the best things I could think of right now. And when you stop doing so, the day isn't so great anymore, regardless of how many texts and morning greetings I received from the others. Guess it's just about time to stop denying. And please don't tell me it's too late.

Shattered.

Trust me I never plan to go this way, it didn't even cross my mind before. It just happened. Being strong and tough are something I referred as "I used to". Watching you walk away just like that, it breaks me. They say there's always 'the first time' in everything, so here's mine, broken-heart. While I pretend that everything's okay, while I smile at you and say "don't worry", while I act like it's no big deal, I cried inside out. Just when I thought I'm ready enough to move on, I find myself all caught up in you. So tell me how am I supposed to act, darling?

grateful bitch

So long after the absence, I've been trying to keep myself busy and occupied so I could just get the depression outta my head. Good news, bad news, all strike at once. I can't remember the last time I actually laugh or smile maybe? Well, mom always told me to believe in the power of God. And time. She's right, here I am, finally stand strong in front of you people. I could feel a big and bright day ahead waiting for me. But this all ain't anything without my friends, and family. Thank you for the endless support and motivation.

Now, here's the catch up while I'm gone these few weeks.
1. I went for a short trip with the gang last week and it's so damn awesome.
2. I got to meet few fellas few weeks ago in the club and we've been good friends up to today.
3. Mom finally showed me the design of our new house. Designed by one well-known architect in Medan, Awong. Here's one of the image for my future walk-in-closet. I think it's pretty good but I want my closet with glass sliding door. Guess, I'll just talk to him in person this coming June.

4. Oh yes, I booked a flight back home this 11 June. I'll be staying in Jakarta for about two weeks waiting for the renewal of my US visa.
5. I just went so broke and penniless. It's like 3 months salary for some people, and I spent it in 3 hours. How careless I am :(

Well, dear mom and dad, I can't stop thanking for the unlimited privileges you gave me. I promise when I'm returning these privileges, it's gonna be double the blast. Love you.

every good things should come to an end.

All the pains and damages you caused, left me speechless. Everything we had is gone. You said you love me, you said you'll never leave me, maybe I just heard you wrong. I'm damaged, don't know what to do. Well, I'm about to move on and leave. All I got to tell is how you left me so damaged.

xx

Isn’t this the moment where one of us is supposed to say: Look, this is ridiculous, we love each other, all couples go through this, let’s give it another try.

bore and random.

A long weekend it is. I don't know what are we celebrating exactly, but we got what we called 'May Day' over here and it means holiday ! We're supposed to be in Shanghai right now if it wasn't for the 'fully-booked' tickets during this holiday season. So I'm spending my long weekend just at home and I'm bored. And since I'm so bored, I took some random pictures for fun.

This is how it was at first, we shared the same cup for our toothbrush and toothpaste. Then it gets very packed afterward when my housemate increases the population of her toothbrush. Every early morning when I'm about to take quick shower and rush to school, I'll simply grab my toothbrush and dropped everything inside the cup, which means I'll spend another 1 minute to put everything back in place again and it happens every morning, lol. It's only two of us in the unit, and we have like 5 toothbrushes, of course, one's mine and four others are hers.

After some time, I decided to migrate mine to another corner to avoid the same 'grabbing-dropping-putting back' activities that takes few minutes. So this is hers and mine RESPECTIVELY.


Mine looks kinda lonely in it's new corner but it's okay, it'll get used to it. HAPPY MAY DAY !

unrevealed truth

Some feelings are better left undelivered. Some words are better left unspoken. Some pressures are better left unsaid. Some truth are better left unrevealed. I realize that there are some time when we can't have everything we want. There are these times when things turned out not the way we want it to be, but that's life. Like it or not, we have to cope with it, true? As how I'm going through this difficult phase of life, I learned that you can't force someone/something in your favor. So, here comes the hardest part, sounds so simple and easy, but, by the time you blink, it ain't that simple at all, it is what we called "letting go".

For the sake of my 21 years of living, I swear I haven't been into a very confusing moment like this. Yet today, I learned how to push my ego down, and be mature instead. Because I know someone is better off without my presence. Let's admit it, the most heartless people you've ever known actually does have a heart and it's broken right now. It's okay, it doesn't matter now, she is a complete adult and she solves broken heart with smile and heads up.

baffle.

Never know where life's heading, we all follow the flow and see how things turn out in future. Same thing with me. After years of degree and courses, I can't seem to decide where my future is. I keep on playing and having fun like it was 2008. My heart and brain are floating with zero gravitation, staying in the same place with no direction to head. I used to be someone with big ambition, clear and sharp destination but it ain't like that anymore. Let's start with the brain: it was once so focus and competitive, yet it turns out very inspirited nowadays. There are lacks in a lot of aspects, lack of focus, lack of attention, lack of spirit and lack of motivation. No way it'll keep going on like this, I need to get them fixed and rule. So until then, I'll be taking some time off working things out. Enjoy your mid-tests, Beijing !

pain in the ass

They say I am that ignorant, arrogant, feeling-less woman just because I don't wanna get committed in every relationship I'm engaging. Well, at least the feeling shared between me and 'someone' is true and not fake. It's undeniable that commitment is something that I would wanna avoid, not because that am irresponsible but more to the reason that I hate being controlled and I'll take one hundred steps backward when one guy started to fall so deep. What I'm saying is, people tend to judge me without looking at themselves. So yes, I'm cruel, cool, and again feeling-less, and whatever hell you're saying I am, but... I do not play ! I did not and will never take someone for granted. At the very least, I made it clear from the start that I might somehow hurt him in future and there's no way for us to be bound by any form of relationship status. Unless he agrees to the term and condition, we'll never go further than friends.

Now I feel like an idiot trying to explain something than you stupid people wouldn't understand. To avoid any misunderstanding, 'you' refers to those spreading non-sense and judgmental arseholes.

shallow/stupid/uneducated

Had this stomach cramp since morning and I can't get off the bed so I pull my laptop to my lap and start browsing on bed. After few hours of browsing, I unintentionally found the Facebook accounts of some employees working in dad's office. It shocked me when I read one of their status "bulan tua bos mw mrhhh..ja,,cpk bgt!!!mendingan mrah'a bln muda!! ya ntr kusuru dy ngmong ma bibir sy ja....sekali2 dy btuh d ksh ke nikmatan....iih ga kbyang de" I swear this is the nastiest status I've ever read, and they're taking my dad as a joke. Believe me, this employee as I reckoned, was the sweet, obedient and pretty hardworking. So I scrolled down to the comments and they started to mention my dad's name in a ridiculous way and laugh their ass off. How the fuck is it possible that some university graduands turned out to be so shallow, and inappropriate?

Well, I know working people never like their boss/es. Even when you respect them so much, there must be times when you can't take their pressures and commands. But this is just too much. Instead of notifying my dad about this, I take the liberty to remain silent, indifference. But I ain't forgiving. I prefer revenge, and I promise it's gonna be sweet. Let's see if you prefer working under my dad or me. Until June, bitches.

all over me.

It kept me thinking :

"He’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn’t going to quote poetry, he’s not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don’t hurt him, don’t change him, and don’t expect more than he can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always one guy that is perfect for you."

a night with me wouldn't go flat !

Just another weekend, same companions, same laughter, different venue. This is clearly the last weekend to have fun with before the mid-test coming on Thursday and as you might have guessed, I haven't done any preparation for it. Screw the test, doesn't matter how least attention I put on my mid-test, I believe I'll do just fine. So, this is the new club we hit on last Saturday, not bad, great service, cool DJs, and we're their VIP Gold Member :)


We were celebrating the birthday of our sister who is obviously the happiest woman on earth that night, no? I mean, come on, having her boyfriend flying all over from Indonesia to Beijing? I'd die for happiness if it's me ! Happy 23 sweetie ;)

Above are some of the photos taken that night. We all know when we went to club, party the night off and wake up the day after, we'll eventually realize that some photos taken are not supposed to be published. All the embarrassing poses, tipsy faces, weird dances and uhh ! What happened in the club, ALWAYS stay in the club.

the notebook.

"That’s the problem with us. We’re both stubborn asses and always want to get our way. We both hate to be wrong and love to be right. But that’s the thing about love. No matter what happens, we always come back for each other, one more time."

Dear Husband

Dear future husband,

I know it's too early to even mention this, but I love you. And I would be happy if you could build me a house like this



and this kind of interior? please.




Love,
Wifey

suffocating

This is exactly the point where all my armors fall down. I finally get defeated, in a very miserable way that no one could ever imagine. All these times, all these fucking years, I've been strong for so long, and it left me with nothing today. I repeat it, nothing. Who said I'm that tough girl that doesn't cry? Who said I'm that wonder girl that barely has feeling? For once, this heart soften and beg for forgiveness. I lose and I wave the white flag high. Doesn't mean I'm giving up, just that I'm tired of all these games, these mazes, and life.

If you're there to listen, my dear God, please give me the strength and faith to get through all these. I ain't asking You to make it easier for me, just please give me power to remain strong. Often in the night, I ache for someone's hugs, cares and loves. I know best that mom's could be a big help but I just can't pick up the phone, call and make her worry. So here I am, talking to myself in a quiet dark room, crying the hell out, and keep wishing tomorrow will be a better day. Now you know, this bitch ain't as strong as you thought she is.

not so sunday.

For this weekend, I want nothing to do with school, homework and diet. So the gang and I went to had big dinner 'cheesy chicken' ! Beijing sure is a food paradise, they cook some delicious dishes you can't taste elsewhere. Then we headed for 'solju' and 'maguoli', both are Korean's alcohol. Well, since there are too much in my mind, I actually thought that maybe I could use some beer. It was 11 pm last night after the drinking and karaoke session. And nobody goes home at 11 on Saturday night so we headed to McD and suddenly decided to hit another bar on the block. It is a new bar, offering free beer and roses on their grand opening that day. The atmosphere were great, they even serve 'Shisha' ! Yet, the best part is still the free beer.

Everyone's enjoying the night I bet, until one of my friends got into fight for some girls and ended up very ugly. Even worse, I got hit on my left eye and it gets very red afterward. Bitter sweet night it is. And since I've spent all the night having enough fun, I need to go back to my studies. Mid test is just around the corner, not so Sunday?

nothing goes right anymore

Bright shiny sun yet cold wind breeze out there, supposed to be a good day for everyone, plus it's Saturday. Not for me, I've been spending the night crying out loud for hours. It has been some time since the last time I actually cry, so it feels like some relieving therapy after all the chaos and hectic life. There's too much in my mind, waiting for me to sort them out and when I couldn't take it anymore, I get angry, upset, disappointed and mad. Locked myself in the room, quiet and calm, then I force the brain to start working it's logic but failed. They say most of the times thing does not turn out they way we want it to be, so I realized. Perhaps this is how life works, and I need to move on.

I can't be grieving over and over again, there are a lot of stuff waiting to be settled. So hey listen, sorry for never been a good one to you, sorry for the mistakes and flaws, sorry for the burdens and pressures. And obviously, thanks for everything. Everything that no one could give. Until then, love. Be good, be happy :)

winter slash spring

good day people.

spring isn't so spring after all, it's shitty cool here and I hate wearing coat ! For it's heavy, plus you look fat in it. true? anyhow, it's supposed to be warmer in no time, so let's wait til we could wear short skirt and tank top. I've been visiting H&M stores few times and I think their collections are dope ! very very much the same material with TOPSHOP with cheaper price. however, you wouldn't like to purchase anything in this store during weekends cause you should wait approx. 1 hour queuing in the 'fitting' line. how sucks is that? well, applause to 'online store' where you don't have to squeeze with hundreds of other visitors BUT you know the consequences, no trying.

enough with H&M, now i need everyone's help to find me this JuicyCouture watch. It was an old collection few seasons ago and by now it should be either 'sold out' or 'stop production' but if you guys could find one pls let me know :)

takethechance

For all the stories you tell about her, I'll smile and say 'she must be one great girl'. For all the smiles you put in your face every time you mentioned her name, I'll say 'i can see that you really loved her'. For all the memories you keep about her, I'll tell you 'it's okay, i don't mind'. Let me tell you what's not okay, it's the pain you create inside me. Abstract and strong. I remain silent while the heart screams 'fuck you'. So baby, come and listen, this is not the chance everyone would have. This is a gamble on a big green table ! By the night the game finished, you either win or lose. Take the chance before the clock stops, unless you wanna hear me whispering "hey baby, don't waste your whole life trying to get back what was taken away".

no, thanks.

Stop preaching me on how I should stop being a bitch, I already get the theory. I just don't know how to get it practical. Instead of sitting in front your notebook and typing all the non-sense, please just avoid me. I already told you that I'm not there to please you all the time. I sincerely thanks God for knowing you but perhaps the paths we're going to cross are just different and contradicting, at least that is how I think it is and how I want it to be.

break your heart.

Ask me again what kind of girl I am, I'll sit back and shut, didn't know what to reply. Take a look or listen to the lyrics below and you'll know exactly what kind of person I am. As simple and as complicated it can be, it explains the complete and real me so much that I can't even believe how could the lyrics reflect me so honest.


"Now listen to me baby
Before I love and leave you
They call me heart breaker
I don't wanna deceive you

If you fall for me
I'm not easy to please
I might tear you apart
Told you from the start, baby from the start

I'm only gonna break break your break break your heart
I'm only gonna break break your break break your heart

There's no point trying to hide it
No point trying to evade it
I know I got a problem
Problem with misbehaving

If you fall for me
I'm not easy to please
I might tear you apart
Told you from the start, baby from the start

And I know karma's gonna get me back for being so cold
Like a big bad wolf, I'm born to be bad and bad to the bone
If you fall for me, I'm only gonna tear you apart
Told you from the start

I'm only gonna break break your break break your heart
I'm only gonna break break your break break your heart
I'm only gonna break break your break break your heart
I'm only gonna break break your break break your heart"

because guilt kills.

It is true that I've always been rude and harsh, I ain't care how people judge and comment on me. I do whatever I wanna do, I talk and walk just the way I like. And most of times, I never really care how people feels being around me. But now I know, and i think i could die anytime of guilt. So here it goes, sorry everyone if I've ever offended you in any ways, sometimes I talked shit. When I get annoyed of your attitude and manner, I might as well split out some unpleasant sentences but trust me, I never really meant it.

Long story it is that I've now come to realize how bad I was. I'll keep today as a reminder and I hope when we meet again in future, you'll see the difference me. Be good and have a good life.

emotionally confused

Everything is as blur as morning fog. It has almost been 9 consecutive years of being in relationships and I find no thrill in them, I fall in love, I love, I love, then I fall out love. The cycle seems to repeat from time to time and I'm kinda trapped in it. God knows how many guys I've brokenhearted but I just couldn't get committed. The feeling isn't as pure as before and that we all know karma exists, I freaked out. They said try your best to stick to one guy, try to get committed, try to respect people's feeling, try to be serious in a relationship you're having..and so on. I feel like fucking yell at them and say "I tried, I just can't". Call me the bitch, the player, I care no more.

brokenfirstlove.

I was too young and innocent. You said you love me and you'd want to go further than just friends so I asked my dad if it's okay. He shook his head and so you left. Fifteen years old thought that maybe you'd stay no matter what but you didn't. It was 10 years ago, and when you meet me again, everything changed. Remember when you saw me with the bangs and bicycle? Remember when I told you "I love you too, but maybe this is not the right time"? Don't be stupid. It was fucking 10 years ago and the thing between us doesn't stay the same. Why the hell you think that maybe after all these times, I could still keep the feeling even after you turned your back? Well, now I know first cut is always the deepest.

We meet again after years, you stand in front of me, smile, and tell me how beautiful and grown up I am now. You felt sorry for leaving that time and thought that maybe now is the right time for us. It's 10 pm now and I'm standing in front of you, occupied by massive shaking mixed feelings. I try to stay cool calm and collected but I failed. I looked nervous and pale but I managed to get my mind working right. "Sorry, I was never and will never be yours", I replied.

comeback.

Let's hope this is a real comeback. Ever since I had my ass landed in China, I haven't had any time to update anything on my blog, my bad. Life's great over here ! Unlike what others told me, China is surprisingly comfortable enough to live in, great foods and amazing cheap stuff all over Beijing. Plus, friends here are totally perk to hang out with. I shall say I'm having the time of my life over here. However, it doesn't change the fact that mom and dad live thousand miles away and I often wake up missing them to tears. Four years it is, living far away from them and it's amazing how I can always feel them around every morning I rise and every night I set. Cliche, I miss them every ticking second.

V for Valentine's

First of all, of course, happy valentine's people :) Wish you had a great day with beloved ones. I myself, went here and there at noon and then spent all the night long at home. So not special huh? Well, actually there are few dinner invitations but I couldn't decide which one to say yes to so I turned all of them down. Apart from that, I already had one great celebration on Sunday, pre-valentine day at Arya Duta, of course with my special someone. But on the V-day itself, nothing, so nothing special. However, there'll be another post-valentine dinner with friends on the next day so I hope it'll heal my loneliness a bit hahaha.

Well, for all the roses, cakes, teddies and valentine greetings, thank you so much guys. You know I couldn't give the respond you wanted but I am truly appreciating each and everyone's efforts. So unlucky, we girls are allowed to respond merely to only one guy, so in order to respect everyone's feelings, I'm treating everybody the same :) Wish everyone has a great day, spread the love !

counting down

Still counting down to the day I left, I HAVE NOT packed anything yet and mom has been yelling from day to night asking me to prepare myself for the -9 degree Celcius winter in Beijing. I guess my luggage would be mostly filled by coats, jackets and sweaters. Uhh, I hate winter. Meanwhile, my life has been so great over here. Post-university life is truly relaxing, meaning that I'm no longer bound to assignments, exams, and late night sleeps. But well, I miss my university life already !!

As I have mentioned so many times before, I'm making use of my 'holiday' to the maximum, enjoying it to the last bits so that when I left, there will be no regrets over wasting the holiday time. Mostly spent with hanging out with families, cousins and friends and some spent with playing computer games, watching dvds and EATING NON-STOP. I'm so gonna turn into fatty beast ! Here are some photos taken recently. Well, facebook always have the completer version babes :) Good night ;p






HAPPY WEEKEND :)

first love

Good night people ! I used up my sleep time to blog at this midnight since I can't seem to get into sleep right away. It is just one week away until my departure, and I don't feel like leaving just yet :( I will miss Medan and Kuala Lumpur so much, their sunny dayy could hardly be found in Beijing even during the summer, sigh. If only I can just stay here and start getting my ass to work, dad would stop nagging me to fly over there. So I heard Blackberry services are totally prohibited in Beijing which means I won't be able to update anything through my BB. Moreover, the internet connection in my dorm sucks so much, I'm not sure if I could survive without my BB, facebook, twitter page and all the social interaction media :( But I promised, I would post up an update in every possible opportunity. Deal.

Now guys, I believe each of you have ever been falling in love, even when you're still in primary class, right? Which we often called as the mystical 'first love'. They say first love is the sweetest of every loves you'd ever fall into. And so I recalled mine, it was when I was 12 back then. It was of course, the first time my heart beats for some guy :) I remembered watching him from far and when his eyes met mine, I'd get very very nervous and have this unstoppable adrenaline rushes. Then start worrying if I looked okay or did he noticed that I was watching him for some time already.

Every time I recalled the moments, I'd smile at myself and get some sudden excitement, first love is indeed the sweetest. Well, he happened to live in my neighborhood but he then moved away after few years. And I never get to see him again afterwards, either at school or at neighborhood. Sad ending huh? well, we never know what gonna happen in future, I always wish I'd be able to meet him again some day. So what's your story?

goodbye

January was so emotional, exciting yet upsetting. Well, it wasn't that bad after all, it just makes me learn things the hard way. We all realize that once in a while, everything seems so wrong and that was exactly how I felt about the stuff hitting me at the beginning of the month. I barely step out from my room and speak a word for weeks until I decided to clear my head off by booking one-way ticket to Jakarta and left the mess behind. Days in Jakarta was spent with many of my beloved ones and I feel healed afterwards. Things turned out to be great when I learned how to forgive and forget. Wasn't exactly forgetting the mess yet but I'm trying hard to.

And now that I'm back in Medan, let's settle the unsettled things. Full preparation has been made before I left to Beijing in 2 weeks time. And another delightful preparation with mom, granny and my supermaid for the upcoming Lunar New Year. Sadly, I just lose one of my uncles few days ago but dad keep telling us that there's nothing to cry of, nothing to be sad about because he believes that Uncle is happier there than here. And he made us believed that as well. May you rest in peace dear Uncle, we're all happy that you're finally free from all the sufferings and pains this earth has caused you. It's such a loss to missed you for this Chinese New Year celebration for there'll be no one making such jokes to laugh at anymore...so goodbye already, we'll miss you, Uncle.

Meanwhile, let's get ready for the big rabbit year, fellas ! My two brothers will be back for the celebration and that's awesome :) we haven't celebrated CNY with the complete family members for a while. So this year is gonna be hit ! Red celebration is everywhere, with the typical red lanterns, pink cherry blossom flowers, greeting cards, and most importantly, angpaos ! Happy Chinese New Year my dears :)

annoying shits

There are times when we feel so annoyed of something happened around us and often it would just ruin our mood. Well, I encountered a lot of stuff and events that really turned me off recently. Most of the times are when member of my family asked about my ex. I was like 'why are you guys keep asking about him?'. It's not like I hate him or whatever but that was past times and I'm now happy with the man I'm seeing. I hate it when people keep asking about him. For the fact that I have nothing to do with him anymore, so please stop asking already. SIGH.

So much about 2011

A bit late to greet everyone Happy New Year 2011 ! But I sincerely wish everyone out there having their best this year and may everything turns out the way we want it to be. When it comes to new year, we normally get excited of new beginnings, new exciting experience and new stories to be shared with loved ones. Pretty much like everyone, I'm hoping that 2011 will be nice and superb although I already had bad days to begin with in this year. There were fights, lies and sickness along with my celebration of new year. I was pretty sure that this might be a bad sign for me until I realize there are another 360 days to go through until 2012 and I believe they won't be that bad. Let's build the spirit of new year, and do something even better than last year.

Basically, I'll be spending my 2011 with another year attending school, a short-term studies of Mandarin. I'll soon be leaving for Beijing in mid-February after the Chinese New Year and will only be back one year afterwards with the full preparation to enter the working-life. As for now, I'm so much doing nothing. Mom and dad do not seem to be very happy with my long holiday because they got to see me around at the house almost all the time doing nothing and that annoys them. Mom has been pushing me to join some kind of intensive class for preparation before China, while Dad keeps asking me to help him at the office. Well, I'll do both. After the flu, headache and bad cough gone, I'll help Dad at the office and attend an intensive class after office hours. Not a story of interesting summer holiday, huh?

celebrating new year's eve with high-school mates (only few of us left in Medan)

Also at the mean time, mom and I have been working on the design of our new house. We already had three different designers helping with the construction but mom does not seem to be quite satisfied with the results yet. There were a lot of disagreements that make me doubt the construction will be finished in 2 years. Well, our new house sure is much more spacious than our current residence, and I'll have my own walk-in-closet later on, isn't that just great? Yes to that, I'll post the pictures soon.