I'm turning into someone else I don't even know, I lose control over myself and lucky, by the time I realized, it ain't too late yet. Ever since my final exam, I've been pampering myself through shopping and eating. I practically ate like a horse and need to stop before I turned into scary beast, so hello 'empty stomach' ! I won't allow anything get into my mouth after 6pm. That's the deal, well, except the BBQ party tomorrow :) that's gonna be a blast. We had lotsa people coming and lotsa foods on the way, and yes, Le Cordon Bleu chef will be serving us, lol. Talked to mom about my spending pattern and she started to worry that I'm turning into those bimbo girls who are (sorry to say) expert in make up and style but big zero inside the brain. Honestly, I started to worry myself ! *kata orang syndrom kehilangan jati diri*
Mom then said I should be someone like her, like my dad, like my brothers, because we are one family. That stuff she told me, hit straight to my face, and made me realize, I've been different. I demanded almost everything without giving anything ! I kept complaining how lucky my brother is, he could get new Macbook, new Ipad, new BB, new this and that so easy, but I apparently, forget the fact that he worked hard to make himself deserve all those privileges. He deactivated his facebook for study reason, he made use his time wisely, scored first rank two years straight ever since he landed in Singapore, and yes, I admit it, he deserves what he got.
Now compare that to me, I woke up at 11am, watched every new movie coming out in cinemas, had fine dinner almost every week, spend 80% of my allowance on shopping, and I DID NOT WORK HARD TO GET THAT. Screw me, useless creature :( And the worst part is, I just reserved fucking tons of stuff at topshop this evening. Well, I'm not gonna get that anymore, I'll just pick up something necessary. I shall remind myself that everytime I lose control on handling my cash, I should think DO I EVEN NEED THAT? The amount I spent in 15 minutes in one shop equals to my driver's one month salary, now you tell me if my brain still working right. *sigh big time*
This is basically what dad told me on phone, "you think I'm proud of you spending that much money and looking good? Girls look good when they're actually beautiful herself, If she's damn fcking ugly, then whatever topshop mango (idk how he knows topshop and mango -.-) WILL NOT HELP. I'll only be proud of you when my only daughter has finally graduated with satisfying result, having proper job and become someone. And now, you're just no one yet, so why don't you just sit back and think of what I've said". Then he hang up. I was like ..... okay, you're so mean, daddy, but you're right. Thanks for reminding me, but you have to know, there are things from me that you should be proud of. I don't have to tell it here, you know that and I know you'll be so goddamn proud of me someday :)
